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  • Writer's pictureTeresa Brunner

How (big) emotions like grief can free us from old beliefs and patterns

Musings inspired by the Scorpio Full Moon. Transformation, passion, depth, shadow work & life-death-life cycles.

“It makes sense that I feel this way. This belongs, too.”

These words might be the most healing and life changing ones I’ve ever said to myself.

But they didn’t change my inner dialogue until I really felt them, until I wholeheartedly believed these words.

I needed to experience what it means to love all parts of myself, the pretty ones and the more difficult, uncomfortable ones.

I needed to allow myself to feel grief, sadness, anger, exhaustion and shame. But mostly grief.

These waves of grief didn’t make sense until I read a chapter about grief the other day.

I’ve been asking myself for quite some time why I was feeling so much sadness, flooding every part of me, triggered by goodbyes and moments of deep gratitude.

I had an idea, but I couldn’t put it into words.

It felt like I was swimming, but not able to dive deeper, not yet ready to face the truth. To allow it to fully flow through me.

My whole life I’ve been afraid of waves (and spiders). Actual and inner waves.

What’s an emotion that doesn’t fully make sense to you? Is there an emotion you tend to push away? It might show you the way. A path to freedom, love and healing (remembering your wholeness and innate goodness).

Being afraid of our inner waves & their effect on others

As I began to slowly embrace all my emotions, trusting my own truth more and more, questioning my beliefs and thought patterns, melting down the barriers around my heart, I realized that I’ve learned to be afraid of my own waves - emotional waves and the waves my energy causes within the people around me. I learned to hold back to not cause bigger emotions in others. Because I felt guilty causing others pain. My dreams and ideas triggered people, as long as I can remember.

I didn’t feel safe to express my truth. Because in my heart and mind I’ve created the belief that it would cause pain, fear and rejection.

I’m beyond grateful for the people who’ve helped me remembering my own truth. Encouraging me to open up, to use my voice (literally using my voice more, singing, chanting and speaking). For my own curiosity and courage to ask questions like “is this really true” over and over again.

Until I remembered myself home. Melting and at times burning down the layers of opinions, experiences and beliefs.

Today, I know, wholeheartedly, that I’m not too sensitive, too much, too cold, too curious, too excited or too enthusiastic.

Our systems just didn’t (and still don’t) have the capacity to welcome emotions, to nourish and appreciate a healthy sensitivity and to support us individually, allowing us to learn and live aligned with our rhythm. I won’t even start to talk about needs, dreams, gifts, big visions and innovative ideas…

Today, I choose to be empathetic, to listen, with all my presence, to sit in nature, feeling my deep connection to the earth, the wind, the fire, the water, around and within myself.

Today, I notice when I’m not grounded within myself, taking on other people’s energies.

Today, I choose myself first. Because being of service is only possible when I feel connected to my heart, when I feel at home in my own body.

Today, I’m not doubting myself anymore, I stopped overthinking what I’m going to say.

I hope you know that you can change your inner stories, your beliefs and patterns. There are so many beautiful examples, so many human beings, ourselves included.

Transformation is possible. And I’m not using the word transformation as a big promise or a one time experience - transformation is happening all around us and within us, at all times. We are born, we live, and we die. We eat, digest, assimilate and let go.

Parts of us die so new parts can grow and unfold. The caterpillar dies, so a butterfly can emerge.

Remember that your body knows. And your soul anyways.

You probably want to know how we can initiate this process? There are at least 187 548 different opinions.

My truth is that you’re already in there. We all are, if we started questioning our reality, what we’ve learned about ourselves, about society and our identity.

If we started allowing and welcoming our emotions.

If we want to trust this inner whisper, asking us to believe in love, in community, in connection, co-creation, forgiveness, compassion, freedom and of course, transformation.

But what if we feel disconnected to our inner voice, our emotions, our truth, our heart and/ or other humans?

At times, I’ve been so disconnected from my own heart, that I wasn’t able to feel my own feelings. Unconsciously, I followed and aligned with other people’s love, excitement and truth. Depended on their impulses. Not able to feel and trust my own instinct and intuition.

Until my whole being was asking me to change. I believe that our body and its wisdom, our home, wants us to flourish. Our mind wants to be of servive to our heart and soul. We just need to rememember to listen, to be open and to trust our inner guidance. We need to remember our mind’s purpose and ability to focus on what our heart is longing for.

Yoga helps us remember our essence, our true nature. Yogic practices aim for a balance of effort and ease, yin and yang, the masculine and feminie, sun and moon. When we learn to observe and listen, patterns become more conscious and therefore we can question their eligibility. Old and surrpressed emotions can surface when we feel safe in our body and with others. When we feel open and held (by ourselves). For me, this journey brought me to different polarities within myself, helping me to find my own center, breathing myself into balance, breath by breath. Join me for a weekend Retreat in June, immersing yourself in these practices to experience your mind’s true purpose and your body’s and heart’s wisdom. More infos here.

Astrology reminds us that we’re unique and at the same time connected by a shared longing: to love, to be loved, to fully live.

Ayurveda reminds us that we are nature, that our body holds the wisdom we so desperately seek outside of us.

Human Design takes us on a journey of self discovery, helping us to remember that systems can actually free ourselves. Not all systems are limiting ;)

And at Maitreya, we intuitively use and share these traditions, sciences and systems.

In rituals, ceremonies, retreats, daily life.

We weave these practices and tools into our life, helping us to live more in alignement with our truth.

Join us for our next New Moon Ceremony (live online & on demand). Contact us here for more information.

How to support your process, practical tips from a Taurus 🙂

So, coming back to a practical approach for this very moment (it’s Taurus Season after all and my sun and moon in Taurus make sure that I’m not going to either aaaaall the places (mercury in gemini) or dive so deep that we could spend days in the shadow realm (Scorpio rising & Pluto in Scorpio)…

Right now, you can ask yourself:

  • What am I learning here?

  • What did I learn?

  • What is this trying to teach me?

  • What is my reality showing me what’s real inside? (What is life mirroring you about your inner landscape?)

  • What wants to die? So something new can grow and live through you?

  • What helps you to fully embrace your human experience, and with that, all parts of you?

  • How can community, co-creation and nature support you right now? (Uranus & Jupiter in Taurus & we’re entering into the Aquarian age — it’s all about collaboration, innovation, NEW ways of being, living, creating, relating, we are invited to understand that EVERYTHING is energy and energy can be transformed and guided)

And around a Scorpio full moon, journal about your desire(s). Start with “I desire…”

Create a judgement-free space for your inner voice and landscape.

About grief, a story we might share

And if an emotion like grief is present in your life too, you might want to ask yourself what your heart is grieving.

Because “Grief is the expression of healing in motion.” - Toko-pa Turner

And lastly, let me share you my story about and with grief to see how complex and beautiful these emotions are.

My heart and soul are grieving all the ways I abondended my own truth. I’m grieving time I’ve seemingly lost because even if I know, that time is never lost, my heart and inner, younger self need to feel it, to finally live in the present moment, aligned with my heart’s truth and longing.

I’m grieving all the ways me and the women in my family weren’t able to live their fullest, most creative, joyful, life, thinking they need to hold it all together. To be everything to their children, at all times, strong, independent, courageous, soft, loving, supportive, inspiring. While the world needs us, men and women, to be authentic, to remember that we’re not here to do it all on our own, that we don’t have to proof ourselves, compare, compete, grow faster.

I’m grieving the times I couldn’t stand in my truth, respect my own boundaries, believe in myself, appreciating and honouring my gifts, ideas, uniqueness.

Grief is showing me the way. It clears the view, reveals what my heart is longing for, what I desire most.

Grief is reminding me that things sometimes need to fall apart, including myself, to fully see what’s buried deep inside. Our shadows, and our truth. Raw, wild and real.

Grief is allowing me to release, tension, memories, beliefs.

“Grief may look like an espression of pain that serves no purpose, it is actually the soul’s acknowledgement of what we value. Grief is the honour we pay to that which is dear to us. And it is only through the connection to what we cherish that we can know how to move forward. In this way, grief is motion.” - Toko-pa Turner

Our own jugdement and what we think of as good, right and approporiate, sometimes needs to melt, shift and change, completely. Crying and grief, like screaming and anger, are for most of us, nothing we express and welcome naturally anymore.

“Perhaps because we fear we’ll drown in our despair, or because it means falling apart in a world which values “holding it together” above all else. But grief plays an essentioal role in our coming undone from previous attachement.”

Let this full moon in Scorpio, or whenever you read this, remind you of your own truth, of the importance of light and shadow, life and death. It’s a cycle, whenever something ends, something new begins.

I hope these words resonate with your heart. Let us know what’s on your mind and heart. We’d love to connect, hold space and practice being true to ourselves, honest, kind and open.

“Sometimes if a person sees right into the heart of who your are, it can release the grief you’ve been unable to acknowledge yourself. It is like a pinkprick in your heart that releases a flood of tears, because you know that what’s been refelcted is true - and that you have been waiting to hear this truth for a long time.” - Toko-pa Turner

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